Have you ever watched Arrested Development? It’s a brilliant comedy from the mid-2000′s that was woefully under-appreciated when it aired and was canceled before it’s time. If you haven’t watched it, you should get on that right away. Either way, today in the Chop Shop, I’m taking you down a different path all together. If you know the show, then you know the character of Tobias Funke and his NeverNude affliction. If you don’t, or would prefer a bit of a refresher course, the video below should do just that (please try refreshing the page if it says the video is unavailable).
Basically, a NeverNude is exactly what it sounds like, someone who is compulsively terrified of being completely naked, which means, that even in the buff, Tobias, along with other NeverNudes still rocks a pair of cut-off Daisy Dukes. Just…watch the video, to understand, and check out the steps below it for how to make an awesome NeverNude costume for yourself!
So, basically, depending on how comfortable you are with exposed skin, there are 4 or 5 pieces you need to make your own NeverNude Costume. They are as follows…
- An appropriate Tobias Funke mustache if you’re not awesome enough to have one already.
- Some Spirit Gum to paste on that badass stache.
- Unless you’re willing to shave your head, a bald cap
- (Optional) If you’re a little on the jolly side (like yours truly), a Flesh Skin Suit – trust me, that sounds far more morbid than it actually is.
- Finally, a pair of ugly blue jeans primed to be cut offs. We don’t actually sell blue jeans (for a wealth of reasons, including the fact that they’re not actually a costume), but I’m sure you can find a pair yourself. Or maybe you already have a pair of cut-offs, then you can just use them…wait a minute, why do you already have a pair of those?
After you’ve got your materials, there are just a few quick steps to piece it all together.
- Step 1: Assemble the parts (we already went through this).
- Step 2: Unfold your pants.
- Step 3: Chop off your pants legs, make them as short as can be while still keeping them as shorts.
- Step 4: (optional) If you’re the jolly type, or suffer from a stronger affliction of NeverNudism, this is where you can cut down your Flesh Skin Suit to what you deem as appropriate bodily coverage.
- Step 5: Dutifully remove any other headgear you may have adorned upon yourself and replace it with a fancy-dan bald cap – or, shave your head.
- Step 6: If you haven’t grown it already, break out your Spirit Gum (don’t chew it, it’s not really gum), and use it to apply your mustache to your face.
- Step 7: Channel your inner Tobias Funke (read: be awkward).
Here, I demonstrate in a video (yes, this is me):
Note: We’re always looking for new and creative suggestions for what we can do as a Chop Shop feature. Have a suggestion? Have an idea of how we could walk you through a DIY costume even better than we did? Maybe you’re interested in guest posting a chop-shop of your own? Drop us a line on our Facebook wall or Tweet us @BuyCostumes.